I have plateaued… I hate it. I don’t really know why I lack motivation for exercise. Maybe because I don’t really have anyone holding me accountable. I could lie to online fitness buddies and tell them I work out every day, but I don’t. I want to. I keep telling myself to. But I don’t.

We have a treadmill. There is no excuse why I couldn’t hop on that and do a couple of miles every day.

I have tons of exercise videos. Everything from walking to yoga to bellydancing to stripper aerobics. Lack of variety is not my issue.

I’ve told myself that I need to do something every day and promised myself that I would do something different every day of my vacation. I haven’t. What have I been doing? Sitting on the couch, playing sims on the tv, and watching past seasons of Drag Race and Supernatural. And little else.

I have zero motivation. Yes, I want to lose weight. Yes, I want to be healthy. Yes, I want to have more energy than I do now. Yes, changing our diet DID help.

Starting weight: 281.8 (see pic from honeymoon in April 2012)

This was in September, when we moved into our new house. Just before the new diet change where we stopped eating out, and stopped eating overly processed food. This is the heaviest I have ever been and I hate it.

October weigh in: 271.8

By October 14th, I had lost 10 lbs, just from the diet change. I was not exercising at all. Nothing outside my daily routine. Pretty damn good, right? This is what an increase of fruits and vegetables and whole food ingredients can do. We do not do low-fat anything. We use whole milk products as much as possible. I don’t drink milk myself, but I use it in cooking. Tom prefers 2% at most, so I’ve made that consideration for him. (Whole is only 3% anyway, so it’s not that much of a deal.) We use whole grain flour and pasta. We switched to brown rice. Actually, I like the taste of brown rice better, I’ve found.

We didn’t eat out at all for the entire month of October. Our wallets thanked us, but so did our diets. In November, we added in the occasional eating out, but decided to keep it limited as much as possible.

December Weight: 270.4

And this is where I plateau. In December, I started to do sporadic workouts. Mainly, I would do a mile or two on the treadmill when I felt like it. Nothing regular. It needs to be more regular.

The good news is, my pants are starting to be looser to the point where I need a belt for a few of them. I guess this is good, but I can’t really afford new clothes yet.

I’ve decided to do another diet challenge and cut out wheat for the entire month of January. 31 days of no cookies, pasta, bread, etc. I think I can do it. My husband is against it. I’ve told him he can do what he wants, but if he wants something with wheat in it, he’ll have to learn to cook it himself. He knows where the recipes are.

But I really need to MOVE more. I need to get motivated to do SOMETHING every day. I need to get my head in the right space to do something every day. Even if it’s just dancing around my room for awhile. Flailing.

In other news, I’m still not pregnant. Did another test this morning and it came up negative. I’m hoping that losing more weight will trigger something to happen. We’ve been trying to go at it every other night, as much as we are able. I’m beginning to wonder if we will have to go in for testing. Of course, Tom will only think of the expense. It’s depressing.

Why can’t I have what I want?

We’ve been in our new house for exactly 54 days now… And we’re still not fully unpacked.

I love my new kitchen. There’s tons of space to work and the appliances I use most often can stay on the counters because they’re deep. I have a movable island type thing that I keep my laptop (it has my recipe software) and cookbook stand on. It’s great because I don’t have to run back and forth across the kitchen to look at the recipe. I can just wheel it up next to me and move it as I cook.

We finally bought a kitchen table last weekend. It came with 4 chairs and a long bench. Of course, my husband had to put it together, but I think he did a pretty good job and everything feels solid. Except for the one chair that somehow didn’t want to be put together. We’ll figure that one out later. It’s just nice to have the space looking more like I want it to. There are still a few things I would like to do with the space, such as getting a stand up pantry for my dry goods and canned items.

Of course, lately, I feel frustrated. Over the weekend, our kitchen sink started leaking on the left side (the side that’s hooked up to the garbage disposal). The right side is fine. However, the dishwasher somehow drains into the left side… I guess it’s safer to have the food particles run through the disposal first before going into the main line to prevent clogs happening under the house where they’re harder to get at. Now, I’m not sure if it’s a clog, or if the pipe just came loose from the vibration of the disposal. In our old apartment the pipe under the sink was constantly coming unattached because of the vibration of the disposal.

I haven’t climbed under the sink to check it out because I’m not sure how to even go about it, and my husband really isn’t very handy. I don’t want to just call a plumber and waste who knows how much money to find out that it was just loose or clogged. I suppose I should just bite the bullet and go under and see what I can do about it. Mostly because I hate doing dishes by hand if I can avoid it. It’s one thing to do the few things that can’t be put through the machine, but somehow we go through a lot of dishes in a day, and there are just two of us. Between breakfast dishes, lunch dishes and dinner dishes, I’m looking at an hour or more a night spent scrubbing. Usually before I can even think about cooking dinner. I wouldn’t bitch about it if this were my JOB. But it’s not. It’s my second job. And when I get home to do it I’m already exhausted from my first job.

I’m still not pregnant and I’m wondering at what point I should go see the doctor again. We’ve been trying since April, and I know it can take up to a year… It’s been hard to stay on a schedule of every other night when most nights I don’t feel like doing a damn thing but going to bed. I’m not really stressed. I’m just tired. Who would think it would be this hard? What are we doing wrong?

And of course, my brain still hates me. I keep having dreams that we have kids and things we are doing with them. Fat little babies snuggling up and being adorable. I have to admit, I’m very sad when I wake up and it was just a dream. It’s amazing how badly I want this.

I’m not very motivated at work lately. It feels like everything there is spiraling out of my control ever since I took a week off after moving to get my house in order. I’d love to quit, but I promised I wouldn’t just yet. I want to save up a bit more.

Been trying to simplify things at home. I want to live very simply. Basic. I’ve drastically changed our diet, which probably pisses off my husband, but I think it had to be done. We no longer buy junk food, cereal, bread products, cookies, cakes, candy, soda… Instead we buy real food. Vegetables, fruit, meat, eggs, milk… Sometimes organic, sometimes not. I bake bread for us. And one sweet treat a week… which has mainly been whole wheat oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Yes, I’ve switched to whole wheat. I’ve also switched from white sugar to sucanat (evaporated cane juice) or honey or pure maple syrup to sweeten things. I lost 10 lbs in the first month. I’ve also been steering away from anything low-fat and reading labels of packaged things I do buy like a fiend (there really aren’t many). My husband hates me. All of his favorite things are loaded with HFCS and MSG and other chemicals that can’t be good for you. Also food coloring. I won’t buy anything that contains coloring. I remember getting really excited when I came across a brand of salsa that only contained vegetables and fruit. And a brand of pasta that only had one ingredient! These days I don’t even look at the calorie count or fat content. I look at the ingredient list. If there are more than 5 items, I usually discard. Or, if there are more than five items (like in the case of the salsa) are they all real food items? This is the one I buy. As you can see, it contains 11ish ingredients, mostly vegetables. Yeah, it costs a little more, but I don’t use a lot at a time, especially since my husband doesn’t like it.

But this isn’t my food blog… and I’m really not here to convert anyone to healthier eating. That’s something you gotta want for yourself. Suffice it to say, I’m cooking mostly from scratch these days, and we aren’t eating out.

I’m also planning on planting a small edible garden in the spring. We already have tomatoes growing in our yard (and what we pulled off of them in September and October were hella tasty), so I’m hoping to tame them, since they’re out of control at this point, and also add a few other things. I’d like to do strawberries, and maybe something like snow peas or beans or something. I’m gonna get together with my mother in law and see what she thinks would be easy to take care of. I’ve never gardened, but the thought of growing my own food is kind of exciting and I know it would save us money in the long run. I’m all about saving money.

Another thing that I’m going to be trying my hand at later this month is canning. I’m going to start with making my own jam (from frozen fruit, since we moved so late in the season and the berries were pretty much non-sweet by that point)… some of which will be given as gifts this year. I’ve decided to do homemade stuff for christmas, probably in the form of little gift baskets. I’m sure everyone who gets one will be pleased. I have quite a few ideas brewing in my head.

I’ve been thinking about getting rid of one of my cats recently as well. For many reasons. She’s been leaving presents in inappropriate places. She’s been extra aggressive towards Neko and myself. Those are the big reasons. Last night she peed on my husband’s bag of holding. There is no good reason for this. She attacked Neko several times during the night and this morning. There is never a good reason for this. Neko doesn’t provoke. I’m not really sure what I should do. Do I take her to a shelter? When she’s being good, she’s cute, and she likes being on laps. But I don’t know if I want to endure much more of her aggressive behaviors.

A little before we got married, Tom and I started discussing what would be happening after we started having children, and a major part of that was wanting to have our own house. Aside from the kitchen in our current place, and the horrible windows that don’t stay closed in the winter and the high heating/cooling bill that goes along with that, we feel that we’re paying too much right now for what we have, and that money pretty much is just going into a black hole. Plus, with the unfinished basement, there’s just too much unusable space and if we’re going to have a family, we want more space.

We decided to start looking online to see what we thought we could afford that would fit our list of demands:

• bigger kitchen with plenty of counter space to keep small appliances on and still be able to prep food. Also space enough for the type of fridge I would really love to get (the one with fridge on top, freezer on bottom, so I can see food before it goes bad).
• gas stove (but I think I gave this up… it doesn’t really matter to me at this point what kind of stove)
• at least 3 bedrooms. We’re planning on having 2 kids (if it works out that way), so I’d like them to be able to have their own rooms.
• at least 1.5 bathrooms. It’s been nice to have a seperate WC for when guests come over.
• office-type area for me.
• den/mancave/dungeon type area for Tom. This would also ideally be the place where they hold the saturday game. It would also get his computer out of our bedroom.
• finished basement. or at least partially finished. since it’s the most likely location for a mancave.
• garage. at least 1 car.
• oh, and NOT in the city.

And a list of negotiable demands:

• central air. It would be really nice. We’ve gotten used to having it. But if the price of the house is low enough and it doesn’t have it, we could always get it later.
• pool. Tom doesn’t want this because he thinks it would be too much work, but I would love a pool. I’d be in that thing every warm day of the year! It probably wouldn’t happen because of the cost of running a pool… Hey, I can dream!
• first floor laundry. it would be nice, especially after I have kids and am doing laundry every day… but I suppose as long as the basement is finished, with the man cave and such… it wouldn’t be too bad to hang out down there.
• enclosed porch. not only would it be a great place for a play room, with a lot of light… but it could be a nice place to hang out, even when the weather is crappy. put a comfy loveseat in there or something…

At first, we were really low-balling what we thought we could afford, because after going to Tom’s credit union, we learned we would need to put 20% down plus closing costs. So Tom was flipping out thinking we’ll have to save for another entire year before we’d be able to afford a house. Which was kind of sad. But doable… Bleh… Rassafrassan kitchen… grr…

Then, when we got back from our honeymoon, we called a realtor for an introductory appointment. Maybe he would have some better ideas on the programs that we would qualify for as first time home buyers. Plus, it’s just a good idea to have a realtor in the first place. They get listings first and can show us what to look for and what to avoid.

We met with the guy. He was awesome. He broke down how things work and what he would do for us. He explained so much to us. We told him what we were looking for and he showed us a breakdown of costs and how they are figured out and such. It was a crazy amount of information. We were given a bunch of paperwork and the business card of someone at M&T who we were told we could go to to find out about programs and mortgage planning, etc. We felt good after the initial meeting and knew we wanted to use him as our realtor. He wasn’t pushy, and also seemed very informed, had many years experience, and was generally a nice guy.

A couple weeks later, we made an appointment with the guy at M&T that was recommended to us. This is where everything changed. We found out we weren’t eligable for the first time home club, which kind of stunk, because you get a lot of money back from that. We also found out Tom’s credit score, which was PHENOMENAL. It opened a lot of opportunities for better rates, etc. This guy also really knew his stuff and showed us several scenerios and told us what we COULD get approved for, as far as mortgages go, but also told us that we should go for what we felt comfortable with, and broke down a little bit of personal financing for us, which was pretty cool. We walked ot of the meeting with the knowledge that we could get an even better house than we had been looking at.

 So we call our realtor back and he says he would like us to start actively looking (with him) in the beginning of July. ‘But I want to start noooooooow…’ I whine at my husband later. He did say we could go to any open houses that interested us, so we started right in.

Let me tell you, there is a lot of crap out there. Some of the houses we looked at looked like they were inhabited by serial killers. These houses weren’t CHEAP, either!

A few weeks in, we found one that fit all our criteria that we really liked, so we put in an offer. Unfortunately, others really liked it and our offer wasn’t accepted. I was mega bummed for the entire weekend. Then we started looking hardcore with our realtor, hitting 3-5 houses in an evening. Then, we found another one. The kitchen is large and beautiful. There is a space for Tom. The place is insanely clean and pretty. The neighborhood looks good. Our realtor really liked it even. He was looking hard for something wrong with it and came up empty. We put in the offer.

It was accepted!

Tomorrow, we’re going for the inspection, which should be interesting. The house itself is kind of old, but you can’t really tell because the people who lived there before put a LOT of work into it. An INSANE amount of work. And we will get to reap the benefits.

I will post photos as soon as the house is REALLY ours. Here’s hoping everything goes smoothly from here on. There are a lot of steps between finding a house and actually owning it.

10am… tom goes and opens the space… hopefully someone will show up and give him a hand decorating.

11am… flowers and such delivered… the decorators put them wherever…

12pm…

1pm… karaoke machine delivered and kearney takes the crash course…

2pm… pictures (hopefully) taken outside… the weather better be good…

3:30pm… food delivered

4pm… guests arrive

4:30pm.. ceremony starts

5pm… noms!

6-9:30… karaoke mayhem…

9:30-10… cleanup.

let’s see…

guests – 32 coming.

location – booked and told how many tables/chairs we need.

catering – booked and nomtastic

karaoke – booked and will be delivered etc.

karaoke dj – awesome.

dress – under way.

shoes – found and comfy.

foundation garments – found and tolerable.

headgear – still in search of…

jewelry – still in search of…

flowers – tentative…

table cloths – in search of…

favor bags – gotten and ready to stuff.

favors – in transit

table decorations – purchased and in holding.

bubbles – because i said so. gotten.

beverages – half gotten, half will be gotten tonight.

slightly deceptively fancy tableware – gotten.

assigned seating – eff it. only one “reserved table”.

photographer – fab-u-lus. <3

cake – being ordered next thursday and picked up saturday morning by Tom on the way to the location.

rings – please don’t let Tom forget to get them from the safe!

hair – 98% certain on style.

makeup – Jilly says she has this all planned out.

ceremony – being finalized on saturday.

honeymoon – picked up stuff from AAA. ready to go! wooooot.

Still have an odd suspicion that I’m forgetting something…