Flowers Die

do not want

Why did you announce so early?

Sile on Apr-26-2017

A couple of people have asked me why I announced my pregnancy as early as I did.

Well, it’s hardly easy to pretend to not have any information when you’ve been sharing your infertility journey right along. After I lost my first baby as an ectopic, I decided that I wouldn’t remain silent about the process. I’m actually kind of glad I didn’t. I think that I’ve educated a lot of people around me as to just how difficult this whole babymaking thing can be. (1 in 8 women struggle with infertility.) I know that a lot of people choose to be silent with this process for whatever reason, but I just couldn’t. I’m not an attention whore by any stretch of the imagination. But Nobody really knew why I was suddenly in the hospital nearly dying… Until I was able to share my story.

So, this time around… After enduring all the treatments and having this last one actually succeed… A few people guessed early that I was pregnant (the more nosy ones, you know who you are, and I love you anyways), but I told them that I would announce when it was appropriate. For me, the appropriate time was when I got the first ultrasound picture after all the blood tests were done.

This was at 7 weeks. This is when I saw two little beans pulsing away on opposite sides of my baby factory. This was after a scare the weekend before where I had a massive blood glob fall out of me and I panicked and called the doctor and was told to lay in bed all weekend and come in on Monday. The glob was only my body making room for a second little bean to nestle in.

I have to admit I had mixed feelings when I saw that there were two. We both knew it could happen, because we put in both of our genetically normal embryos in me. I had a feeling that at least the one that was popping out of the shell and sending out feelers to the world would attach, but I didn’t know about the other one. Seeing both of them in there, beating away strong and fast, it was amazing.

How could I not share that with everyone? So I did.

Yes… 7 weeks is hella early to be sharing a pregnancy. Yes, most people wait until week 14 (the start of 2nd trimester) at least before saying anything. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to be alone again if something bad happened (nothing has so far, knock on wood). I didn’t want to be silent about any of this. I still don’t.

Pregnancy is not glorious or glamourous.
It’s disgusting… I barf a LOT… I’ve broken out in acne on my face and back… I had to cut my hair really short just so that I could manage washing it in the morning because showers make me barf too… Oh, and I’m constantly peeing.
It’s uncomfortable… my clothes, especially pants, stopped fitting me correctly around week 9 and I started using a bella band (those are so awesome, totally get a couple if you get pregnant)… and now I’m looking for looser pants that I had put away a year ago… I have TWO bra extenders on my bra and it’s still feeling restrictive to my breathing…And it doesn’t help that my boobs HURT. OMG!
It’s hard to get comfortable in bed… if I lay on my back too long, my heart kind of goes crazy for a second, I guess reminding me that I should be on my side. I just bought one of those pregnancy pillows… It’ll get here thursday, I hope it was worth it.
It’s made me super emo… I cry over EVERYTHING. Everything gives me the feels.
I’m constantly exhausted. I wake up fully rested, yet exhausted. Yes, it makes no sense. And if I don’t get to nap during the day (because work), I feel lousy.

I’ve been told that pregnancy symptoms with twins are twice as bad as with a single baby, but I really don’t have anything to compare it with, and probably never will.

The one majorly positive thing that has come from being pregnant is that my depression has completely disappeared. Yes, I’m miserable, but I’m happy about it? I’ve struggled with bad depression for a very long time, and since I found out that it worked this time, I’ve had none of that. Of course, I worry that I will come down with a bad case of post partum depression when these lovely baby hormones have worked their way out of my system, but I’m hoping that I don’t. At least I know that my husband is a rock who is there for me no matter what.

This jerk comes after me and cleans up my vom while I’m still hurking into a sink (if it’s fallen on the floor). He’s washed my laundry and my coat several million times after I’ve barfed in the car and all over myself. He’s helped me cook with his horrid knife skills when I couldn’t stand the smell of raw meat. And he’s there every night with a back rub if I need it. He deals with my mood swings… I love him so much.

Yes, I am happy and excited to be pregnant. I am also miserable. These things don’t have to be mutually exclusive. People are constantly showing only the positive side to everything. Only the happy smiles with their baby bumps. Where is the real picture?

And yes, I also revealed the gender already as well. Why? Because I had it in a sealed envelope since the day they were implanted (that’s part of the fun of having had genetic testing, gender is part of the chromosomes, after all). Normally, you don’t find out until an ultrasound at around 20 weeks… but why wait? :P I finally looked at it at the end of March. “HONEY! We’re having girls!” How many times did I say that? Super excitedly… Sooo many times. And every time I passed the bookshelf in the kitchen, where the paper was still laying I would say it again.

Now, I would have been just as happy had they been both boys or one of each…As long as they’re healthy! But I always saw myself with girls, even though I did have a boy’s name all picked out. Why are girls names so hard? :P Tom is very happy too because he wanted girls as well. I can’t wait for him to hold his babies. ^_^

So, yeah, I announced things early. I want everyone to ride this rollercoaster with me. ;)

week 14 fun

Sile on Apr-26-2017

So I’m officially 14 weeks and 6 days in. 2nd trimester official!

Still vomiting, no nausea. So it’s always surprise! or else hurk hurk blort (like a cat with a hairball). I prefer the second version, as there’s warning enough to get to a garbage can or sink.

Triggers:

  • The shower hitting me a certain way.
  • steam in the shower.
  • really funky smells.
  • over exertion
  • anxiety/stress (happens most in the car, at work, or when we’re trying to get out the door and do things I don’t want to do)

Thankfully, the hurking because I ate what they didn’t want has gone away. I think we’ve come to an agreement. I can’t always eat what they want right STAT now, but I do try to work it in when I can.

Getting tired of poking my fingers to do the blood test. My poor fingers are bruised all to heck. My bloods have been normal for the most part. Only a couple of spikes, and I’ve avoided those particular foods because of it. I’m hoping I don’t end up having to poke all 9 months. bleh.

Going to the doctor today and not sure what to expect. As I said, I’m 14 weeks… but the schedule on the website says to go 12 and 16 weeks… So I have no idea… Schedule, if you’re interested.

I’ve been starting to feel like nesting a lot more lately, but still exhausted as heck, so I’ve been doing things slowly. I’ve almost got all the laundry done… I built a new shelf to house the board games so I could use my linen closet for towels, sheets, and extra paper goods again (they’ve been taking up residence in the nursery for too long). This weekend I’m building a couple more shelves for the kitchen to house all these fabric drawers of stuff that are floating around (i love fabric drawers)… like for my tupperwear lids, canning stuff… kitchenaid attachments that are too big for drawers… etc. I’m really in the organizing mood. I even bought a 3 hole punch so I could fix up binders for my medical stuff and for stuff related to Jess that’s important.

Next weekend, I’ll be getting some help clearing out the nursery from my awesome mother in law. <3 I’ve already drawn up plans for how I want the furniture in there… when we get it… Which, I am hoping to do some time toward the end of the 2nd trimester… so… let’s see… when will that be? somewhere in the middle of July, it looks like. :) Not sure if/when/where/how I will have a baby shower. If we don’t, we don’t. Not a big deal. Nearly everyone is out of town, so such things seem nearly impossible to me.

The week after is the Ronald McDonald house sale. They always have SOOOO much baby stuff, so I’m hoping to get a bunch of clothes and things for them there. Maybe some extra blankets. I’ve been wanting extra blankets lately for some reason. :P

We’ve decided the car upgrade we want to get, and that will happen some time over the summer as well. So exciting. There’s a lot going on.

Can I have a nap now? :P

Eating is hard…

Sile on Apr-11-2017

Dear Mom,

We’ll make you a deal. You eat what we want, and we’ll let you keep down everything for that meal. Sound good?

Here are our demands:

  1. French fries. No, boiled baby potatoes are not acceptable. Yes, we will take tots baked in the oven instead, as long as they are crispy and not soggy. So cook them 5 extra minutes.
  2. Crunchy and spicy food. That tavern mix stuff you got at BJs is yummy (except for the black sesame crackers. Those taste like ass). You should get more of that. No, we really don’t care that they fit into what that diet lady told you to eat. We care that they’re crunchy and spicy. We want that. If the fact that they’re only 15 carbs a serving makes YOU feel better, then fine. :P
  3. A roast beef sub. The heck is listeria? Don’t get any on the sub if you can’t have it then. We want a nice sammch with mayo and lettuce and cheese and onions. Doesn’t that sound good, mommy? Heat the meat up? That’s just gross, mom. Ew. We didn’t ask for a hot sub, did we? Pay attention.
  4. Sushi. Nobody said it had to be raw. We will happily take the krab philly roll and the spicy shrimp roll. Those are your favorites too, right mom? Get some!
  5. Ice cream. You’re the best mom in the world for giving us chocolate ice cream every night before bed. I’m glad you’re getting the good kind and not the cheap stuff. You’re the best, mom. What do you mean we’ve run out? What is dad for? Make him go get more!!

Please know that we may change our minds at any time, so be prepared. We will let you know if there are any new demands.

Love,

Your girls

Babby 1.0 has made it through beta testing!

Sile on Mar-3-2017

First test result: 227 (2/11/17)

Second test result: 469 (2/13/17)

Third test result: 9097      (2/20/17)

Ultrasound photo:

So… um… it’s twins! Surprise! :D

Transfer… #3

Sile on Feb-1-2017

Transferred my two perfect little guys today.

I was super excited when they gave me the photo that one of them was REALLY popping out of his shell. I feel really good about it this time. Trying to remain super hopeful.

They gave me the sealed envelope with my genetics results in it. It also has the gender testing results. I am not looking at it, which is why I asked for it to be put in a sealed envelope.

Dr. M did my procedure. She was the one who sucked out my eggs this last time. She’s really nice. :)

Afterward, I went for my post transfer acupuncture. I’m really liking acupuncture. Call me crazy. It’s relaxing, just laying there listening to the music while someone pokes needles into various points. And no, they don’t hurt.

Now I’m just going to relax… eat some pineapple later on (Yeah I’m doing the pineapple thing as well this time, got a fresh one and cut it up)… and just relax. Watch season 11 of Red Dwarf and who knows what else. I may even nap.

I find out the results on 2/11.