Now that Tom is moving into permanent employment status, we can finally move ahead and start planning for our wedding. We have a rough outline of what we want and don’t want. We have a short guest list (36) and a shorter guest list (25). But there’s still a lot of stuff we need to iron out and I seem to keep getting stuck.
1. location.
Since most “wedding locations” and “party houses” make you buy their packages and use their catering/dj/foncy tableclothes, etc, and they cost a small fortune, we decided we didn’t want to use them. Which kind of makes it harder to find a place to do it.
A good friend suggested renting a lodge in the park system. The only problem with that is that most of the lodges have those horrid picnic tables and who wants the hassle of maneuvering in a bench in a dress, etc. Some also don’t have toilet facilities. Port o potty? Ew. And others don’t allow “amplified music”. Only one of the lodges seems to have round tables and chairs, indoor outhouses, and allows music. Of course, it’s also the prettiest lodge. And the most expensive. $750. That’s JUST to use the location. I get nothing in addition to that. (Look up Olmstead Lodge) if you’re curious. It’s pretty. And I could do my “ceremony thing” right up by the fireplace. Pretty.
2. the guest list.
The people most important to me are on the top 25. These are the people I feel closest to and most comfortable with. These are the people that I WANT there. And then there are 10 more that certain people think I *should* invite. These people don’t get me. I haven’t seen them for years. We don’t speak often, and when we do it’s usually pretty uncomfortable. They still see me as a little kid, I feel. And I feel that I can’t be myself around them.
If I was doing a traditional stuffy fancy wedding, I probably wouldn’t care and just invite them because I would be doing what is “expected”. But we want to do things a lot differently than what is deemed “normal” and I know I would get looks and questions from these certain people.
It was actually suggested that I just have the thing, don’t invite these people, and just send an announcement after the fact with a nice photo where appropriate.
I’m not sure which hassle would be worse: inviting them and enduring their ‘WTF ARE YOU DOING??’ or not inviting them and getting the ‘WRY didn’t you invite me, I are family’ jive. Yes. They are family. But there is a point to keeping this as small as possible. I just don’t think certain people would understand that.
25 or 36, what’s the difference? I don’t want to be stressed out worrying how people are viewing me. I want to be relaxed and have fun. I want to let my freak flag fly… Whatever the hell that means.
3. invitations
A big reason to get the list hammered down. Do I do these myself? Do I go to a store? The problem with getting premade invites, or even custom ones online is that the choices for wedding are “too fancy” and the choices for generic party don’t really convey what I’m trying to achieve here. I could probably download some fonts, get some nice paper (and a printer) and do them myself… getting some layout tips from a graphic designer friend. 
It’s a pity you can’t do this sort of thing via email or facebook, because that’s so much easier. I’m having to hunt down people’s addresses and then ask them if they’re correct or not. At least Tom can do the people on his list, to make my life a little easier. 
I’m open to any suggestions on invitations. The wedding isn’t going to be fancy, so the invites shouldn’t be. At least to my way of thinking.
4. the date
Not set in stone. We’ve been aiming for april since we got engaged. I’d really like to hammer this down so that I could get a lot more things hammered down. So much hinges on the when.
5. catering
Since we’re not doing a traditional hall thing and we don’t want boring old buffet food… Tom had the idea of getting one of the BBQ joints here to cater. I’m pretty sure most of the people we will invite are carnivores. And if they’re not… screw em!
6. cake
I really want to smoosh cake in Tom’s face. But I’m guessing the cake doesn’t really have to be fancy. We just want it to taste good. I’ve been trying to weigh store bought vs someone making it for us… Course I don’t know who would make it for us at this point. We could cut out the cake altogether. But I think Tom wants to have something sweet.
7. photography
Our wedding party is going to be hella small. Just one person on either side. I’m sorry if anyone is offended that they weren’t chosen. At least you got an invite, right? Come have fun. Nom tasty foods. etc.
That said, we don’t need the million and a half silly/sappy/romantic/bullshit poses that most photo studios like to put you through. I also am not sure if I want a million “professional candids” taken.
Some have suggested the disposable cameras thing, but I have seen others do that and be disappointed with the results, plus they had to develop them themselves. I’m all for attendees bringing their own digicams and going to town as long as they share their snaps with me. I think it’s fun to see the wedding from other people’s perspectives.
Do we want to just go have a photo session somewhere pretty and have nothing at the actual event? Or do we want to get a basic package and have a photographer there the whole time, or most of the time? Who should we use? Who should we avoid?
8. entertainment
Tom requested that we not have to dance, so we’re forgoing the traditional DJ. Hell, we’re not even doing the mp3 player shuffle. He wants to enlist our guests to entertain us with the fine art of karaoke. Sounds fun, right? His step-brother said he would help “host” whatever that means. But we need to get some kind of equipment. Pretty much just need a cd-g player, some speakers and a monitor of some sort. discs would be optimal, but I could always burn my own. I have quite the extensive cd-g library. And of course, I will invite people to bring their own discs if they have them. OR any instrumental tracks on cd. I will allow any language, though I think most will be in english… with a smattering of Japanese thrown in (shakes fist at certain people who damn well better sing me some Japanese). Way more fun than dancing, right?
9. attire
i’ve been fighting with myself over this for months now. do I wear a dress? what kind? what color? I really don’t want to get a traditional wedding dress that you only wear once. I am not that unpractical. I would rather get something that I could wear to another event if it came up that I needed to wear a dress again. I’m really not a dress person. So ungirly.
I also don’t really want to make tom wear a monkey suit. He has a nice suit and he looks damn sexy in it. And he said he’d wear it if i wanted him to, even though it’s kind of uncomfortable. And he looks damn sexy in it. And the shirt is a lovely shade of purple. Damn sexy.
I’ve also been thinking that if I wear a dress, what style should it be? I want something that will flatter me and not just hang like a potato sack. Did I mention I hate clothes shopping? Yeah. Burning fury. Not to mention I’d probably need a chick to go clothes shopping with, because… men just aren’t any help in that department. They don’t want to be there any more than I do… I’m such a guy. LOL
For awhile I was toying with the idea of jeans and t-shirts. If I could find a ‘tux’ and ‘wedding dress’ shirt. lol Wouldn’t that be hilarious?
And then there’s my guests. I don’t want people dressing fancy. Do I do the “business casual” thing? I mean, ideally I want us to be dressed a step above the guests, as it should be. So if we’re sort of business casual… what would they be? casual? no jeans? jeans? I really don’t care if people wear jeans. I just want them to be comfortable. I mean, we’re eating bbq and doing karaoke. wear what you’d wear to the bar…
oh speaking of which…
10. dry wedding
There will be NO BOOZE at my wedding. And if you smoke, go outside. There are people with athsma there and people who just don’t like smoke. The booze is a different story. I really just don’t want it involved. Neither one of us drinks. There will likely be kids there. It’s expensive. No, you can’t bring your own. There will be plenty of free soda, water, and probably tea. Got a problem with that? screw you.
11. decorations
I really have no idea here. It’s not gonna be fancy. Should we have anything? What should we do? party favors? don’t most people just chuck them away after awhile anyways? centerpieces? flowers? Meh. I just don’t know.
12. rings
Yeah, we haven’t even gotten this taken care of yet. But it probably won’t be that much of a problem. We just have to go see what’s available. Ideally I’d like us to have matching bands. But we’ll see how that goes. I think Tom wants to use the same jeweler he got my engagement ring from, since they’re local. He likes using local things for some reason.
13. flowers
If I buy a bouquet of flowers from wegmans, I don’t even have to tell them it’s for a wedding. A simple bouquet would do. Or do I even want to bother? There will only be 3 unattached women at my wedding. Maybe 4. I’m actually thinking of a somewhat cuter idea that I’m gonna keep secret for awhile. So I don’t know. I guess we’ll see.
14. best man/woman
if you didn’t get chosen, I’m sorry. Here’s the home version of our game. I haven’t even ASKED mine yet, so… yeah… how do I even ask that? Do I need to do it in person? XD LOL
15. officiator
This is pretty much the only thing that’s been hammered down since the engagement. A friend of ours will be doing it. He got “ordained” all officially and junk. Our “ceremony thing” will be hella wonderful thanks to his skills of a GM. It might even be EPIC.
We probably need to hammer out some vows and stuff… maybe… Hell, at this point i’d be happy with: Do you? yes. do you? yes. good, you’re married kiss her!
16. have I missed anything?
I keep feeling like I’m leaving something important out. I just remembered two people that I wanted to have there that weren’t on my list and added them.
Help.
